Impossible To Forgive?

Yesterday I closed my Balanced Yogi class by reading a short story from the book Forgiveness, Loving Kindness and Peace by Jack Kornfield. This (paraphrased) true story was about a 14 year old boy who shot and killed another teenage boy to prove himself to his gang. The deceased boys mother attended the sentence hearing and when the teenager was convicted for the murder of her only child she looked him right in the eyes and said, "I'm going to kill you." Several months later that same woman went to visit her sons killer in the juvenile corrections facility he was assigned to. Because the boy had no family, she was his first and only visitor. She gave him some money for cigarettes. She continued visit and began to bring him gifts, food and money throughout his sentence. When it was nearing time for his release, she asked him what he was going to do when he got out. He had no family or friends left and didn't know what he would do. She offered to get him a job at a friends business that she knew was hiring.... and she offered him a temporary room in her home. For months the boy worked at the job and stayed in her home. One night the woman called the boy into the living room and asked him to sit down. She asked if he remembered the day in the courtroom when she had said she was going to kill him. He did. She told him that she did not want a boy who could kill her son in cold-blood to be alive on this earth and that that was why she began to visit him. She looked again into his eyes and said, "So I did everything in my power to kill that boy, and I believe that he is now dead. And since that boy is dead and my son is dead, I'd like to adopt you. -If you'll let me."

At this point tears were rolling down my cheeks. (I had barely kept my voice steady enough to ready the end of the story.) :)

So now I sit to reflect on the much less dramatic opportunities I have in my own life to open my heart and forgive others. I know that we can't fight anger with anger, violence with more violence, selfishness with selfishness, and so on. Yet I still notice the feeling of anger or resentment arise in me, in reaction to those things. I am so thankful for the ability to notice this. I know this is how I increase the degree of consciousness in the world- by being more conscious myself.  And I know that noticing is a very big step in the transformation process. Now let's see if I can forgive myself each time I get hooked by the reaction and notice that despite being aware of it, I still can't get out. If I can forgive myself, I can certainly forgive everyone else. After all, if I can't get out... how can I expect anyone else to either? And if a mother can forgive the killer of her own son, there's a lot of hope for me. -I think, for all of us.

I invite you to notice when things seem unforgivable. In small ways: like another driver speeding by and cutting you off on the freeway, the way a person spoke to you, looked at you, or something that they said. And in big ways: look at grudges you have held onto for long periods of time. Is it really impossible to forgive? And in the wake of your unforgiving heart and mind, who is suffering the most?

Namaste,
Cori