Grocery Store Small Talk

Dear Nancy,
I saw you in the grocery store last week. At first, I looked the other direction. Honestly I hoped you wouldn't see me. I have recently felt... betrayed I guess, by you. I knew if we made eye contact I would have to smile and say hello. Who says I have to? You might ask.  And the answer could only be: me. For one, I hold tightly to the belief that people should be nice... but more importantly that I should be. I also don't want to admit to my feeling betrayed because I'd rather not have that reaction. But I do. That's the reality. I would much prefer not to fake my "niceness" either. I very deeply want it to be sincere. And so when I got closer, I made eye contact with you. I smiled and said hello. We had a few moments of small talk and I noticed, despite my desire, I was not sincere. It's so hard to know sometimes what is the kindest choice. So I'm writing you this letter as an apology- to us both really. I'm sorry that I have harbored anger and resentment and that I have chosen to bury it rather than face it. I'm sorry that I couldn't be sincere that day and that instead I will go on, currently unable to forgive you, all the while pretending everything is fine. I'm sorry that my apparent need of your approval and societies approval is right now stronger than my desire to be true to myself and honest with you. I'm sorry that your real name is not Nancy, and that I am not yet brave enough to write this letter directly to the real you.

Namaste,
Cori

P.S. Dear Readers, What if we could be this vulnerable on a daily basis? (Well, more actually, like use the real name!!!) Give it a try. Let me know. I'll keep at it. :)