Meditation Guidance

(In particular... for all those joining me for the next 5 weeks in a Living Yoga Wellness Program at Asha Yoga- and committing to meditation every day for the next 35 days!)

Dear Student,

The most important thing I have to tell you about meditation is this: Meditation is worth your time. Do it regularly and you will be forever grateful.

Getting Started

It is important that you make yourself physically comfortable in a meditation posture while following the one, unbending rule for meditation posture:  Spine erect and holding it's natural curves. 

If sitting on the floor:

• Prop your sitting bones up on a cushion so that the hips are at least 3 inches higher than the knees 
• Thighs slope downward toward the ground 

If sitting on the floor is too uncomfortable, sit in a chair. Either way:

•  Pelvis vertical
•  Inward curve in the low back
•  Shoulders over hips
• Chest open
• Chin slightly tucked 

If it's hard to sit upright, sit against a wall and stuff pillows behind your lower back. Use as many as you need to support your spine and hold you in an upright posture. Your aim is not to create a perfect meditation pose but to support your body so it will let your mind turn inside.

Technique- A Core Practice

We live in a world rich with abundance and variety. Our options for meditation practices are practically unlimited. You could spend years trying them out and yet, despite the time dedicated to practice, you may never go deeply inside.

This is why, when you begin your meditation practice, and as you're establishing the habit of sitting, it is best to choose one simple yet structured technique. Stick with this one technique as you develop the discipline of regular sitting. Learn to get your body comfortable, find inner focus, and gain a mental understanding of the practice.  This is your core practice. It is your foundation.  Doing the same practice every day to build this solid foundation clears a path in your consciousness and eventually this path can be followed into the state of meditation with greater ease. Establishing a core practice and developing this foundation is essential. In time, you can play with other practices and build upon this foundation.

Most simple practices fall into five basic categories: mindfulness, mantra, inner body, visualization, and self-inquiry. Breath awareness is generally an aspect of each category.  They are often combined, but when you are beginning your practice just start with one. Explore a few options at first and then choose a core practice that you feel drawn to.  If the technique doesn't feel pleasurable at least some of the time, it's not the right technique for you. If you don't get some enjoyment out of it, you won't do it. But don't let this be a reason to keep skipping around. Don’t get sucked in by "The grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome. Nobody's meditation is always enjoyable. Meditation can be boring at times. It can feel torturous. And there will be days when sitting for your allotted time seems impossible. This is normal. Only if your practice is consistently unrewarding, you may be better off choosing a new type of core practice. (Sample core practices will be given later.)

Length of Time

Start with 10 minutes of meditation and increase the time by one minute per day until you've reached a half-hour. Spend a month or so sitting for 30 minutes. Eventually, when you feel the tug to go deeper, begin to sit for 45-60 minutes.  Many people find that they need to sit for at least 45-60 minutes to get quiet enough to sink deeply inside. But this is often too much to start out with. I can also assure you: A daily 20-minute practice will improve your focus, balance your emotions, give you greater clarity, and allow you to connect with a deep sense of inner peace. Your outlook and your understanding of life will change from 20 minutes a day of meditation.

What (Not) to Expect

Your mind will not immediately go quiet. Your mind will never go quiet for your entire meditation practice. This does not mean you can't meditate. It does not even mean you aren't meditating. The goal is not to stop thinking. But with consistency, you will soon begin to experience periods of quiet, even contentment, as you sit. You will realize that meditation is actually a natural state and that it will arise on its own if you give it time. You will discover some of the benefits of sitting for meditation—how your life seems to automatically get easier, simpler, an more enjoyable, You will notice your opinion of others improve and your relationships and interactions with family, friends, and even strangers will feel deeper and more authentic. You will feel tethered to something solid and calm in times of emotional turmoil. Solutions to problems will seem to present themselves naturally, with less mental debate. You'll find that even when you don't think you've had a "good" or "quiet" meditation, the rest of your day feels sweeter, calmer, or more energized because of the time you spent sitting.

Have Patience

Understanding that the mind does not need to be silent will keep the mind from entering into war with itself. There have been studies to prove that if you say to your mind (mind says to mind) “Do not think the word banana.” it will be impossible not to. Your life could depend on it and the moment you tell the mind NOT to think the word… it will. This is exactly what happens if we sit down to meditate and we say to the mind, “Ok, now be quiet.” The moment we say that, it will never happen. But we cannot simply “play” reverse psychology with the mind either. It’s in there with itself- it KNOWS what’s going on. We have to really and truly understand that it’s ok for the mind to talk. This is a training process for the mind to learn to focus and there is going to be a learning curve. Like training a wild puppy to sit still, it takes time, patience, understanding and dedication. Ultimately the mind will learn to “sit”. But remember, it will not stay forever. And that’s ok. It will, however, settle down with time. Just like the puppy as it ages. J

Dedication

In addition to being dedicated to sitting down each day for your practice, you must be dedicated to each moment of your meditation. Each time you notice that you are thinking, spacing out, or wandering off, it takes effort to bring your attention back to the mantra, to the breath, or to whichever core practice you're doing. Over and over again, you'll lose your concentration, get lost in thoughts or stories. It is your dedication to “coming back” that will make all the difference. Your dedication to coming back is the thing that makes it meditation. It might be helpful to employ a strategy of saying to you yourself “thinking” whenever you notice it or “thank you for sharing.” and then come back to your point of focus. If you are more visual it may be helpful to imagine thoughts as clouds in the sky and see them drifting away. Once you have experimented a few times, pick one strategy for dealing with thoughts and stick with it.

Do it Anyway

Sometimes your practice will be inspiring and transformative. Other times, it may feel boring or particularly challenging. There may be extended periods of peace in your practice and times when emotions like anger, sadness, or fear arise. If you can be willing to sit through the boredom, resistance, and rise and fall of emotions you will build the foundation for doing this same thing in your life. Life is a rich tapestry of experiences and it is possible to learn to appreciate the full spectrum. Grief doesn’t have to be painful. It can be healing. Boredom doesn’t have to be avoided. It can be welcomed. Anger doesn’t have to be hurtful. It can be an opportunity for self-discovery. When we are willing to be with things as they arise, they are allowed to run their course in a way we can grow from and therefore appreciate.

The people who get the most out of their meditation are the ones who do it consistently. Even if they don’t feel like it. Though many try, as I have in this very letter, the ultimate gift that meditation offers is beyond explanation.

A Basic Core Practice- Mindfulness of the breath

Prepare your seat and posture for meditation.

Close your eyes.

Notice your breath.

Begin to fully experience each breath.

Notice the coolness in the nostrils and the warmth, the rise and fall of the belly and the chest. –The expansion of the ribcage. Notice energetic sensations. 

Notice without altering, but allow the breath to alter itself as it does.

After a few minutes, choose one aspect of the breath to direct your focus. Maybe the rise and fall of the belly or the cool and then warm air in the nostrils.

As you notice thoughts arising, simply note "thinking" and return your focus to the breath.

When your meditation is complete, before opening your eyes, begin to fully experience all the details of the breath once again. Take a few deep breaths and maintain an awarenss of the breath as you open your eyes and begin to transition into your next activity.

Thank you for reading, for practicing and for making a difference.

Warmly,

Cori 

Grocery Store Small Talk

Dear Nancy,
I saw you in the grocery store last week. At first, I looked the other direction. Honestly I hoped you wouldn't see me. I have recently felt... betrayed I guess, by you. I knew if we made eye contact I would have to smile and say hello. Who says I have to? You might ask.  And the answer could only be: me. For one, I hold tightly to the belief that people should be nice... but more importantly that I should be. I also don't want to admit to my feeling betrayed because I'd rather not have that reaction. But I do. That's the reality. I would much prefer not to fake my "niceness" either. I very deeply want it to be sincere. And so when I got closer, I made eye contact with you. I smiled and said hello. We had a few moments of small talk and I noticed, despite my desire, I was not sincere. It's so hard to know sometimes what is the kindest choice. So I'm writing you this letter as an apology- to us both really. I'm sorry that I have harbored anger and resentment and that I have chosen to bury it rather than face it. I'm sorry that I couldn't be sincere that day and that instead I will go on, currently unable to forgive you, all the while pretending everything is fine. I'm sorry that my apparent need of your approval and societies approval is right now stronger than my desire to be true to myself and honest with you. I'm sorry that your real name is not Nancy, and that I am not yet brave enough to write this letter directly to the real you.

Namaste,
Cori

P.S. Dear Readers, What if we could be this vulnerable on a daily basis? (Well, more actually, like use the real name!!!) Give it a try. Let me know. I'll keep at it. :)

Three Words Only.

Did this exercise. Every single sentence. Three words only. Not almost three. Not four sometimes. Fill two pages. 12 point font. Your life story. Cover ten years. It was interesting. More than that. Highly recommend it. Let me know. Considering a book. Apparently not alone. Big American dream.
-I would not write the book in three word sentences!
Namaste,
Cori

What is the Reality?

As I sit to write this post, I am noticing the thought that I have got to be crazy to take the time for this right now. I have a million things to do.  A yoga studio to manage, a teacher training program to lead, a "living Yoga" wellness program to prepare for teaching, a retreat that needs to be marketed or else I won't be able to cover the contract minimum with the retreat center, laundry, dishes, phone calls, a husband I'd love to see, a daughter I'd love to play with and a second yoga studio opening- this weekend.... "Why should I possibly take the time to write a blog post????" Next, I hear the familiar question in my mind. What would this moment be like and what would I be like in this moment without these thoughts?- Without this whole story of my busy life, in fact? 

And then I notice that despite all I have to do,  without the thought that I have a million things to do,  I am  just sitting. Writing.  I am fully supported by a comfortable chair in a heated house with a laptop at my fingertips. I am content. I have everything I need, and then some, to do exactly what I am apparently choosing to do right now.  For a moment,  I experience a deep sense of peace. I acknowledge that the story in my mind IS there, but that's all it is. And when I kindly thank my thoughts for sharing, for doing what my mind believes must be done in order to motivate and support me, it is easier not to get sucked into the story.  The truth is, I cannot control my own thoughts any more than I can control anyone else's. Though in spiritual practice we may hear that we are learning to control our mind, I don't actually believe this to be true. I believe that when we allow our mind to be as it is, our mind and thoughts stop fighting for control. Then there is peace. 

Does this realization mean that I will let everything else slide and forgo my other commitments and responsibilities because it is all just a "story"? No. But it is a reminder that I will always loose against an argument with reality. If the reality is that I am sitting to write in this moment, it is futile to attach to the thought that says I shouldn't be doing it. The reality is, I am. Until I'm not.


So how often do your thoughts argue with reality? Who would you be in those moments without those thoughts? Don't try and change the thoughts.  Can you just look with curiosity?

I wish you a peaceful day, or at least a few peaceful moments. If this process was interesting to you, know that it was a brief glimpse into The Work of Byron Katie. Learn more at www.thework.com


Namaste,
Cori

Dear Santa, Please don't get me any gifts this year because I haven't been good enough.

My husband sometimes complains about the way I do things. --And in the heat of the moment, I can be so afraid of not being good enough that I am compelled to defend my position. I can be so desperate to convince him that there is a good and valid reason for my behavior that I will attempt to turn the whole thing around on him. I will list his "faults" and make sure he is clear that it's not ME who isn't good enough, it's him. But deep down I sense how far removed I am from the truth... and I begin to believe that the truth I am hiding from is my own "not good enough-ness". (I do know that's not a word!)  Eventually I feel guilty for my behavior and, as crazy as it sounds, sometimes this guilt starts the whole circle over again and before I know it I am listing his faults... again. Of course I don't always behave like this. --But still I'm sure you will agree, Santa, that I truly don't deserve any presents from you this year. I have so much more work to do. Hopefully this next year I can be a much better person. Thank you for your time.
The average <married woman>?

Hmmmm. The other day I sat with a group of students and asked them each to share something they were afraid of. Bravery conquered in that particular moment as, one after another, each confessed to things like: exposure, failure and not being good enough.  I have heard a quote before that if we all sat in a circle and confessed our deepest darkest secrets, we would laugh at the lack of originality. And I have personally witnessed proof of this in a group of 250 people once. In that case, person after person stood to share the thing they were most ashamed of about themselves- to all 249 others in the room. Each time the group facilitator would say to the rest of us, "Please raise your hand if you have had this thought before, or if you have said something or done something similar." Hands went up. Often, all hands went up. Over and over again I witnessed expressions of shame, guilt, and intense pain transform. First into shock and then into pure and indescribable relief. People looked younger, lighter, freer, in only a matter of seconds.

I propose (as many others have done before me) the possibility that there is "One mind". --That all thoughts are shared within this one mind between billions of bodies and recycled constantly. That our fears of failure, exposure and not being good enough come from states of insanity. That it is insanity to believing that we are, first, separate and then somehow different from everybody or anybody else.

With this understanding, I can relate to my husbands frustration because it is also mine. I can have compassion for the weakness, fear, anger, and selfishness I see in others because all of that is also mine. Perhaps this is the truth I sometimes sense I am missing in the midst of reacting to my husbands words:  No one can be "the one" who is not good enough, because when there is one mind there is no one separate to compare to. Well, it sure sounds better than a debate over who is and who is not this... or that.

Thank you, Jennifer BV, for The Gift. I sat in the silence of the yoga studio today and read to myself:

How do I listen to others? 

As if everyone were my Master

Speaking to me

His 

Cherished

Last

Words.

Peace to us all!
Namaste,
Cori

Impossible To Forgive?

Yesterday I closed my Balanced Yogi class by reading a short story from the book Forgiveness, Loving Kindness and Peace by Jack Kornfield. This (paraphrased) true story was about a 14 year old boy who shot and killed another teenage boy to prove himself to his gang. The deceased boys mother attended the sentence hearing and when the teenager was convicted for the murder of her only child she looked him right in the eyes and said, "I'm going to kill you." Several months later that same woman went to visit her sons killer in the juvenile corrections facility he was assigned to. Because the boy had no family, she was his first and only visitor. She gave him some money for cigarettes. She continued visit and began to bring him gifts, food and money throughout his sentence. When it was nearing time for his release, she asked him what he was going to do when he got out. He had no family or friends left and didn't know what he would do. She offered to get him a job at a friends business that she knew was hiring.... and she offered him a temporary room in her home. For months the boy worked at the job and stayed in her home. One night the woman called the boy into the living room and asked him to sit down. She asked if he remembered the day in the courtroom when she had said she was going to kill him. He did. She told him that she did not want a boy who could kill her son in cold-blood to be alive on this earth and that that was why she began to visit him. She looked again into his eyes and said, "So I did everything in my power to kill that boy, and I believe that he is now dead. And since that boy is dead and my son is dead, I'd like to adopt you. -If you'll let me."

At this point tears were rolling down my cheeks. (I had barely kept my voice steady enough to ready the end of the story.) :)

So now I sit to reflect on the much less dramatic opportunities I have in my own life to open my heart and forgive others. I know that we can't fight anger with anger, violence with more violence, selfishness with selfishness, and so on. Yet I still notice the feeling of anger or resentment arise in me, in reaction to those things. I am so thankful for the ability to notice this. I know this is how I increase the degree of consciousness in the world- by being more conscious myself.  And I know that noticing is a very big step in the transformation process. Now let's see if I can forgive myself each time I get hooked by the reaction and notice that despite being aware of it, I still can't get out. If I can forgive myself, I can certainly forgive everyone else. After all, if I can't get out... how can I expect anyone else to either? And if a mother can forgive the killer of her own son, there's a lot of hope for me. -I think, for all of us.

I invite you to notice when things seem unforgivable. In small ways: like another driver speeding by and cutting you off on the freeway, the way a person spoke to you, looked at you, or something that they said. And in big ways: look at grudges you have held onto for long periods of time. Is it really impossible to forgive? And in the wake of your unforgiving heart and mind, who is suffering the most?

Namaste,
Cori